Thursday, April 29, 2010

Doucherock Bands Part 4, “When doucherockers attack”

Doucherock Bands Part 4, “When doucherockers attack”
Justin La Plante has done correspondence reporting and production for NBC, CNN World, NPR, CW, Public Television and operates the Collidescope Multimedia Co-Op
www.collidescopevisions.com

By Justin La Plante

I expected that it would come as little surprise that at some point along this journey there would be some backlash from either the bands I was critiquing and/or their fans. What I got came as more than a surprise. Rather, it was a completely shocking attack of cyberstalking, harassment and psychotic accusations from what has to be the most douche of all doucherock bands. I can honestly say that all of the major doucherock bands I have reviewed and talked about so far (Disturbed, Creed, Godsmack, Nickelback) I've not heard a peep from.
Meaning they know either one of two profound truths.
1.That they have tougher skin and can take honest criticism and satire for what it is without being even more douchebaggy about it.
2.That they are what they are and they know that arguing it is of little use. How can you argue when your band is stuck in constant fist pumping repeat at NASCAR and WWE/WCW events across America?

One band in particular however has proven themselves to be more of a pack of douchenozzles then all of them put together by crossing the line of egomaniacle bag-rage.
You may remember 'Ink Dot Boy' (AKA, IDB) from part one.
Ink Dot Boy today


The original article on facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages&tid=1277263496631#!/note.php?note_id=407996652221


Part one was also mentioned on a daily post of the www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com (HCWDB) website.
www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com
'HCWDB'

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/03/friday-thoughts-and-links-65/#comments

When I sent out initial requests for Doucherock bands for this series I left emails at various labels both major and indie. I got back the usual doucherock suspects (disturbed, nickelback, godsmack, Creed) along with a lot of semi popular and as yet garage band acts.
I did not want to critique garage band acts or local acts. Because there are droves of doucherock acts on the local level you will see at NASCAR events, sports bars and state fair beer tents.
Those people are making money the way doucherock bands SHOULD make money. Playing directly to the people who love them most. Major acts like Nickelback and Disturbed could care less that they are called out for being doucherockers. They make millions doing it and could care less what anyone thinks of the crap they make or how much the masses of inbreeding douchegimps flock to it.
Ink Dot boy represents the worst of both worlds as they are a semi popular group who's lead singer made a living by repeatedly re-branding himself into faker and faker personas, over hyping bad music and sponging from club promoters, ex girlfriends and ex wives in order to one day never again be able to book a club in LA or many places anywhere else for that matter.

I'm getting ahead of myself though. Lets start from the beginning.
It was early last month when I sent out requests for the doucherock series.

Here is a link to the request:

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&&suggest&note_id=335969497221

Inside three days I had more than enough material.
The big names were all there as I expected but I wanted to start with something that screamed “douchebags” that not everyone had already heard about.
Into my lap fell 'Ink Dot Boy'.
IDB
Yes they actually are using this pic in their promos.

A press pack and myspace link of IDB had washed up on the cyber floors of Crustacean records either from an associate label passing it along or directly from the band in a press release via email and/or myspace messaging. It was sent to me by a Crustacean fan on the label's facebook. After checking the band with other labels I found numerous rejections based on their sound and the obvious fake image of the band. Both major and indie labels had had enough of this band.
BTW, Crustacean records does not represent ONE SINGLE doucherock act. Their bands are the best acts the Midwest has to offer and I consider the label a prime authority on taste and talent in the music industry.

Ink Dot Boy was a revelation in doucherock because they are a goth/industrial act, maintain every facet of the douchebag look and mannerisms, their music makes 'disturbed' look talented and they had a trail of bad karma and poor promotional practices leading right up to the tail end of their lead singer, the self proclaimed 'Ink Dot Boy” Andrew Kurtz.
Andrew Kurtz (AKA, Ink Dot Boy) Should be taking his own advice.

Early information about Andrew Kurtz is vague. He is from Boise Idaho, played on the high school football (or so he himself has rumored it) team but failed to attain aspirations for college.
There are unconfirmed stories about him touring Europe and then working as a cowhand and rodeo competitor which I can find no actual sources to establish outside of Kurtz's own claims to fans and friends. A few have mentioned that Kurtz passes off these stories of world travel and a history with the rodeo in order to embellish a rather lack luster period of general post teen slacking off before he decided to become a musician.
Some time after high school and back in Boise (world traveling rodeo clown or no) Andrew Kurtz claims to have married Alexandra Stavrovska (Presov, Slovakia) a piano player and photographic artist. They formed the band 'KUbist Hall'.
KUbist Hall in better days (if ever).

Kubist hall was a terrible band.
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/kubisthall
Though Alexandra's piano playing is actually quite good and the drum work is impeccable, Andrew's lyrics, voice and the overly contemporary adult rock sound of the band was very dry and uninspired.
KUbist hall enjoyed some reception and acclaim from the novelty of a German female drummer and Slovakian female piano player but eventually fell to a general lack of interest due to the band sucking in general.

A rather gut wrenching look at Kubist Hall in production:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR7S5UX7vOA
*Note Kurtz's douchebag persona and moronic music theory.*

Though they did not wear rings openly, Kurtz and Stavrovska did live together and until early 2009 Alexandria had been supporting Kurtz and herself while the couple lived in LA trying to promote Ink Dot Boy. After failures in club promotions and several dissatisfied associations with promoters, Kurtz and Stavroska returned to Boise and soon separated. Alexandria then returned to LA and is now a very well received photo artist.

At 30 and back in Boise after his divorce Andrew latched onto a local 21 year old star bucks barista and made her the star of one of the band's latest videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLtZNMF4s3U
From that point on the band has been throwing plenty of female nudity and gratuitous sexual imagery in front of their image and music.
Kurtz and two models on a recent IDB promo.
When the music and the image of the band wont sell, try sex.

After selling off everything in Idaho Kurtz and his new girlfriend/sex token moved to Dallas Texas where they and the band reside now.

Several former associates, fans and some who have worked as promoters for the band have openly voiced complaints about Kurtz's womanizing, cheating, and sponging his way through his music career.
The usage of fake myspace and facebook accounts is rampant in their method of promotion. They bate webgroups/blogs and lure street teams with the promise of money and accompanying the band on tours that never happen.
Shortly after I published part one of Doucherock, I began getting strange friend requests from people I did no know on Myspace and facebook. Then I began getting messages from people directly involved with the band as well as Kurtz himself.
Here are some of those communications:

****
The following is from a former promoter with ink Dot Boy who contacted me on facebook. This person has asked to remain anonymous sighting that the band and it's “associates” often bully and harass people for speaking poorly of the band.

A former promoter with IDB.


Anonymous April 19 at 9:48am
I read your article about Ink Dot Boy (Kurtz) being a douche rocker. I used to work with him in LA. Definitely the biggest self proclaimed rockstar douche bag I have ever met. Especially since his fame is so minimal.

Justin la Plante April 19 at 9:52am
You used to work with them (Ink Dot Boy)?

Justin La Plante April 19 at 9:52am
Their lead singer sent me some rather psycho messages.

Anonymous April 19 at 9:54am
yea about 2 yrs ago when he was just starting out. He is extremely insane, thats why I dont work with him anymore, and probably why his wife left him. His name is Andrew actually.

Justin La Plante April 19 at 9:54am
Would you like to contribute to this article by answering some questions in an interview?

Anonymous April 19 at 9:56am
maybe it would have to be completely and utterly anonymous like I said he is crazy

Justin La Plante April 19 at 10:04am
Surprisingly I've never encountered a band that behaves this way in reaction to being criticized.

Anonymous April 19 at 10:23am
Well he bullied me pretty bad thats why I left, cause I started calling him out on his bullshit and I didn't agree with a lot of things that he was doing. He tried to hide his relationship with his wife, she was from Slovakia. She worked for years saving money and such to support his band. He went thru the money like crazy!!! Living in a big apartment in downtown LA. He uses people big time!! I feel really sorry for the young girl he is using now to heighten his fame. Its disgusting.
I know that he has burned tons of bridges thru out the years, his wife even told me how she didn't have any friends cause of him. He is a total and complete FAKE! When I was out there he was like this blond haired, blue eyed, surfer like rich kid that thought just cause you got tons of tattoos and wore makeup you can be "goth" He would whine all the time about how he couldn't play the "rockstar" role very well.

Justin La Plante April 19 at 10:35am
I will not use your name or describe your sex. Only call you "an individual" source or “Anonymous”

Anonymous April 19 at 10:37am
she (Kurtz's ex wife) is totally out of that situation. I can tell you who he is messing with now. She is only 21, the girl in the newest video with the black Mohawk that is half naked at the end with another girl.
He tried to get all these young kids to help him with promotion and what not, cause he doesn't want to use corporate people. Probably because he was blacklisted thru his old band Kubist Hall. He promises them money and that he is this big star that they can jump on the band wagon with. This band has never played a concert in the 3 or more years he has been doing it. He promised me that when we went on tour that we were going to make tons of money. I knew it was bullshit since he couldn't even get band members or a concert in LA.

Anonymous April 19 at 10:41am
Here is the girl, he had her promoting his music on myspace. Now is using her as a sex symbol for his music.
http://www.myspace.com/inkdotboyspa
HeLLsee | MySpace
www.myspace.com
MySpace profile for 'HeLLsee'

Justin La Plante April 19 at 10:45am
More labels than I can remember have blacklisted them to. Which is how I found out about the band

Anonymous April 19 at 11:06am Report
you should look thru his website and blogs about what he is trying to do. its hilarious.

Justin La Plante April 19 at 11:08am
Yeah the latest request for a new pr rep. I've read it. This article just turned into a full expose
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Anonymous April 19 at 11:11am Report
Yea he is trying to get kids to do the leg work by making himself look like this big huge rocker that they get to work with. when he is just a regular guy using people to make him famous.

Anonymous April 19 at 5:17pm Report
they (Kurtz and his ex wife) were very secretive about it. All I know is that they "supposedly" married but I never saw wedding pics or anything. It was for about 7 yrs in 2008.

Anonymous April 19 at 5:19pm Report
they didn't wear rings either. they moved to Boise Idaho from la i think last year or so. then all of a sudden they weren't together anymore and he met this 21 yr old that was doing PR for him now she is with him.

****
This next conversation was with Joe Lara a fan of Ink Dot Boy who began sending me messages on facebook.

'Joe Lara'
Apparently does promotional work with the band now.

Joe lara's facebook conversation.


Justin La Plante April 18 at 3:01pm
Who are you sir? (in response to a friend request Lara had sent)
WTF, was this moron thinking?

Sent via Facebook Mobile

Joe Lara April 18 at 6:31pm Report
Saw your post on vf (www.vampirefreaks.com). (referring to my re-post of the HCWDB article mentioning mine review of IDB)
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Justin La Plante April 19 at 12:01am
And?
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Joe Lara April 19 at 12:03am Report
Oh yeah, and I think your a sad little prick. ***********derogatory references and sexually lude comments about this model they keep trying to say I'm having sex with in exchange for writing about the band*************
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Justin La Plante April 19 at 10:15am
Who the fuck are you psychopaths talking about (in reference to the model, I did not know recently who this was until another former IDB promoter told me)? Is this kurtz or florian using yet another dummy account or another drooling ink douche boy fan thinking you might get props with the band for helping them do something so clearly stupid to the rest of the world? This is the fourth attempt to get someone to friend me so you can see my content. I must be on a mutual friend's page. The review from crustacean records with the bands pick was more than enough to get the ball rolling.
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Joe Lara April 19 at 1:44pm Report
Lol pretty sweet, no I'm just a fan. Why the fuck would anyone want to bash any band in the first place? Probably envy. Btw go ahead and try to hack an iPod lol fag (I have no idea what this moron is talking about at this point).
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Justin La Plante April 19 at 1:58pm
if idb was a band. They can't even book in LA due to kurtz's history there. haven't you heard what the guy did to his ex wife?! if anyone could enjoy the poor lyrics and composure of their music it would have to be someone with an IQ below 40.
Its kind of hard to be envious of someone who makes less money, is far less popular and also happens to be a complete douchebag who's fans are such losers they try cyberstalking critics for the band.
you get the golf clap today goomba.


Justin La Plante April 19 at 2:16pm
I imagine you have been getting fed from "florian" or another idb drone that you should tell me I'm fucking someone in order to write this. (I'd just found out who they were talking about at this point) which has only fueled the fire seeing that the model they are trying to say I am fucking is yet another girl Kurtz harassed and is trying to smear. I've dealt with a lot of bands and there are plenty who have been adult about bad press. this is the most psychotic loser bullshit I've seen any band, dj or producer ever do.


Joe Lara April 19 at 2:28pm Report
why is that such a bad thing to start idb? (***I assumed he is talking about how the band promotes itself and behaves***)
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Justin La Plante April 19 at 2:35pm
you are asking me why it is bad to over hype a band that sucks and waste money for club promoter's who's customers walk out when it turns out the band sucks ass?
your actually asking me why it is bad to sponge off a photo artist who is far more talented and then dump her for a younger girl when she refuses to promote a band that is making no money?
you are asking me why it is bad to end up leaving town because no one wants to hear the shitty music or deal with the selfish drama anymore?
You smoke a lot of glass (***slang for crystal meth***) don't you?


Joe Lara April 19 at 2:42pm Report
I just wanted to know what you were talking about, the earlier shit because it was rude abd fucked up to bash any band for any reason.
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Justin La Plante April 19 at 2:47pm
so I'm supposed to think that you have 100% zero amount of dislike for any and all musical acts and you have no capacity for critique what so ever?
You are smoking glass.


Justin La Plante April 19 at 2:53pm
Lol, you go cyberstalking for a guy who tells people his ex's have stds and that club owners who won't promote his band are rapists and your trying to tell me What is rude. LMFAO! You really are the essential idb fan
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Joe Lara April 19 at 3:06pm Report
I'm not 'cyberstalking' for anyone, I did what I wanted
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Joe Lara April 19 at 3:08pm Report
And yeah, I don't bash any bands for anything if the sound doesn't suit me I don't add it to my collection, doesn't mean it's shit
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Justin La Plante April 19 at 3:13pm
oh I'm sure you don't bash anyone for anything Joe, you are king peach of amoral island. 100% pure of all outspoken opinion and free of all personal regret as well. I'm willing to bet your shit smells of berries and baked muffins too. wow, if only the world was comprised of more like you joe. no one would ever have any problems and everything would be great for everyone.


Justin La Plante April 19 at 3:31pm
HCWDB has been fine with publishing me and the only complaints i have, have been from IDB people. The nickelback and disturbed folks have been without a peep. "why is that?", I wonder.


Joe Lara April 19 at 3:33pm Report
Nickleback gas been boo'd off stage dozens of times
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Justin La Plante April 19 at 3:37pm
I never said they weren't. you don't see them bitching about it later or stalking the people who booed them individually. WOW, you really are off in outer space. Sometimes i wish i could be that ignorant. its easy I am sure but when do you expect that needing to think for yourself will be something you miss?

***Joe Lara stopped contacting me after that***

****
This next conversation is with 'Florian Stravock' and supposedly Kurtz himself using Stravock's facebook profile. Florian is Ink Dot Boy's webmaster and cyberpromoter. In the first message he claims to be Kurtz which may or may not be true.

"Florian" and/or Kurtz?


Florian Stravock April 17 at 8:43pm
It's Andrew Kurtz, and you're just about the only douche here is you, ***(again with the lude sexual insults about a model not even involved in this BS)*** fucking you for that article, huh, huh?

Justin La Plante April 17 at 8:44pm
What is the *****?
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Justin La Plante April 17 at 8:45pm
That you took the time to try and convince yourself of something by trying to contact me is proof enough you have a deep seeded personality malfunction
Sent via Facebook Mobile
****

Also their complete lack of dignity in insulting this person and making these psycho paranoid accusations.

I really have never seen anything like it. A band and it's followers getting this riled up over a single critique.
Obviously they are the most douchebag of all doucherock groups I've covered. I've not seen any of Creed or Disturbed's fans or lead singers sending out psycho text messages as of yet.
I latter found that they (Ink Dot Boy and fans) were trying to associate me with a model that the band's lead singer had been harassing for some time after she had regected him. This model is on a mutual friend list on Facebook.
Of course through the degrees of separation one could associate me with virtually anyone on facebook.
That they made this threatening accusation involving another person like that is also quite douchebag of them. It is not only a pathetic and childish display of paranoid animosity but it is plain old fashioned cyber bullying.
It made me suspect that the band had more to hide and after speaking with these former promoters and street team members it was clear that they are up to no good in their promotional schemes.
Defamatory claims against former promoters and club owners that will not book the band, spamming myspace and facebook, fake profiles on social networking groups, bunkum claims of fame and record sales in press releases about the band, fluff pieces written up for publications and webgroups, paid protection from criticism on social networking websites like www.vampirefreaks.com (who locked and actually edited two unfavorable reviews of the band on their sites message boards) and of course directly harassing critics.
Currently the band is trying to recruit a new legion of promoters and pr reps to push the cool aid in the aftermath of another failed season of promotion and re-branding.
Ink Dot Boy is the perfect 'what not to do', example for any band looking to gain a foothold in the music industry on major labels or otherwise.
Though IDB speaks of a lack of trust with major labels they have submissions and fluff work submitted at every single one. Indie labels have always been repulsed by IDB's lack of conscience in marketing and presentation. Which one would think might make them perfect for a major label.
If it were not for how terrible the music was.

Doucherockers of the world as well as talented acts alike. If you take anything from this take the knowledge that even though you may come up mediocre or lack luster, you can always stay out of complete failure by avoiding this kind of behavior. Never let what others say about you make you into a psycho and never compromise yourself or change who you are because you think it will win points with either fans or record labels. The facet of re-invention is not always a bad thing but when you do it solely out of what you think other people will like as apposed to what you feel is right then you are selling out and selling yourself short.

Me Making out with a rabbit puppet.
Doucherock bands part 3 Creed
By
Justin La Plante

I've been getting a bit of static about part 2 of the doucherock series (disturbed) but I have to stand by the laws of doucherock (which I am now inventing and posting below) on this one.

Creed


This issue is dedicated to Creed or as I like to refer to them 'More proof god does not exist'.
Creed is the first major christian rock band who attained this fame by stealth fully including the message of christian faith into their music. Here is their smash douche hit “With arms wide open” from the album “human clay”.

Human Clay by Creed


“Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face”

***He got the news, drank the cool-aid and packed his bags for Jesus town.

“With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open”

***Essentially he is talking about the idolatry of the cross. One of the most self contradicting facets of Christianity seeing as it violates one of the ten commandments.

“Well I don't know if I'm ready
To be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life”

***It seems he is talking about getting his woman pregnant now.

“With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything ...oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open”

***The lyrics are a vametous mass that keeps causing me to feel ill the more I read and reflect upon them. One would have to be filled with some kind of profound self delusion (AKA “Christs love”) in order to stomach them.

“If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open...”

***Yes, we all need to be crucified. Starting with Scott Stapp.

“With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything..oh yeah
With arms wide open....wide open”

The repetition is off the charts with creed. In every song the use of repetition is compounded and mixed with droning chants and revelations of delusion.
A great example of doucherock and christian rock gone wrong. If I was the self contradicting uber narcissist fairy tale ego maniac god described in the Bible, I woud have incinerated these douchebags long before they could ever write a song or commit it to music making me that much more unpopular with people who have an IQ above 40.

The very usage of the name Creed also points out a complete lack of selflessness. While most christian rock bands use names like “for his honor”, the glory and power” or “I want to suck jesus's penis”, creed stamps themselves the end all be all of faith in one word. Making no room for doubt that their message is the only message.
As is with all major self delusional faiths such as Christianity or Islam. Though in many creed songs is sounds as if Stapp is attempting to write Jesus and/or god a very sexual love letter.
Creed has had heavy exposure in every realm of douchebaggery and redneck interests such as WWE and NASCAR as their songs insight a high voltage fist pumping tribute to every WASP'S favorite guy in the sky.
Truly, everything that is wrong with America can be found in the audience at a creed concert.

In early years Creed maintained a very clean cut silk shirt, jeans and boots douche ensemble of dress.
In later years they began trying to emulate disturbed as doucherock fans collect each heavily.
Band members
Scott Stapp– lead vocals, occasional rhythm guitar (1995–2004, 2009–present)
Mark Tremonti– lead and rhythm guitars, backing vocals, bass
Scott Phillips– drums, percussion, keyboards (1995–2004, 2009–present)
Brian Marshall– bass (1995–2000, 2009–present)

For the benefit of clarity here are,
THE LAWS OF DOUCHEROCK

1- THE LYRICS OF DOUCHE: The lyrics of Doucherock contain one or more aspects of the following:
A: Vapid ideas expressed in disjointed or incomplete structure
B: Grunting and fist pump fodder intended to add substance to the music where instrumentation, lyrics and composition are lacking.
C: Urban slang or cultural references outside the cultural experience of the band or it’s members in order to garner more substance.
D: Lyrical devices with no real connection to other ideas or references expressed in the music.
E: Barrowed or otherwise plagiarized lyrics from more talented bands and/or musicians.
2- THE COMPOSITION OF DOUCHE: The composition of doucherock results in one or more of the following.
A: Repetition in lyrical and instrumentation compositions for two or more songs on the same album.
B: Fist pumping segments or intros followed or segued by poor compositions used as filler.
C: Barrowed or otherwise plagiarized compositions from more talented bands and/or musicians.
D: Overly compressed and robotic playing ('soul less') of instruments.
3- THE IMAGE OF DOUCHE: Doucherock bands often display and image with many aspects of the following.
A: Cookie cutter tattoos, namely tribal or barbed wire bands, pinwheel stars, six shooters or large gangster wanna-be print across belly, back or chest.
B: Faux Hawk or otherwise emo accented hair containing far too much “product”.
C: Tight t-shirts with cookie cutter graphics printed to ode sides of the garment.
D: The usage of non-douche image whilst engaging in the composition and lyrics of douche (AKA, ‘STEALTH DOUCHEING’).
E: Poorly contrived or otherwise fake image and/or brutish behavior consisting of certain aspects which may include bigotry, sexism, racism or cultural plagiarism.
4- THE FOLLOWERS OF DOCUHE: Fans of docuherock often display one or more of the following aspects or behaviors.
A: THE IMAGE OF DOUCHE
B: Participation in NASCAR and NASCAR events.
C: Ownership of Douche vehicles (Tuned out and pimpdouche painted four cylinder cars, SUVs and trucks).
D: Verbal or physical Abuse of women.
E: Use of steroids or other illicit muscle enhancers.
F: Use of Douche drugs (Cocaine or Crack).
G: Excessive binge consumption of alcohol.
H: Random rage, roid rage or challenges to fight with others over semantic or brutishly judgmental issues/
I: Homophobia, racism or otherwise infantile social bigotry.

Doucherock bands as examples:

Ink dot boy = The image, lyrics and composition of douche
Disturbed = The composition, lyrics and followers of douche
Dream Theater = The composition, lyrics and followers of douche
Creed= Fist pumping, faith based doucherock

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